My Dad wrote up the life story of his mother, my Grandma Sampson and he sent me a copy last week. I finished reading it the other night. It was a nice read. Most of what I read, I had heard before. some things, I didn't know. So I have reflected on my Grandmother a lot since then.

My middle name, Margaret, comes from Grandma Sampson, Juul Margaret Dalby (Sampson). So does my blonde hair and blue eyes. Both her parents were Danish, so my Grandpa Sampson used to tell me "You're a quarter-breed", meaning a quarter Danish. She was a very attractive, friendly lady. A people-person, who could converse and get along with anyone. Beautiful smile. And the boss. She liked to be, and usually was, the one in charge.

We visited my grandparents very often growing up. It was an 11 hour drive. On one trip down, I got my first driving experience. That was how Dad bribed me to go with him - he'd let me drive some of the trip.

We rode on, and steered with Grandpa, the tractor. Rode horses. Fished in the pond (fish didn't taste any good though). I remember Grandma getting upset about my getting muddy in some nice clothes - I think I got Grandpa in trouble. There was a huge haystack to play on as well as this wonderful, old-fashioned tractor. I think it was my favorite. Once I accidentally hit Lori in the head with some type of metal bar. She was very dramatic about it and the blood. I think I got in a lot of trouble. And I remember Corn Pops. They always had Corn Pops cereal.

And the doll room. One bedroom upstairs had a beautiful doll/lamp. It was delicate, old- fashioned looking. And purple. All us girls loved the doll room. It was girly and beautiful. It became my room for one summer - I loved it.

I lived with my grandparents on three different occasions, two summers, and one school year of college. Lisa, Lori, Kevin and possibly Steve (I can't remember for sure) all lived with our grandparents at some time, for short periods. Lisa stayed a school year and Lori stayed part of one. We were there to be helpful, though maybe we just offered distractions and company.

Grandma had diabetes, breast cancer, and in 1988 (I think), when I was about 16 years old, she had to have her left leg amputated below the knee from an infection on her toe. I had the privilege/chore of spending one summer during High School with my Grandparents. I stayed at the farm, as did my Grandpa, but Grandma ended up preferring the house in town on Orchard Avenue. We drove back and forth A LOT, all summer. Grandpa was very reluctant to give up life at the farm. I did some work for him there, inside and out. I cleaned out some rooms and one day while cleaning in Grandma's old bedroom, I found over $200 cash that Grandma had left in envelopes. When I gave the money to Grandpa, he told me Grandma would get in a hurry and scoop piles of papers into drawers, occasionally losing semi-important things. Like the cash I found. I also found some photos. It was nice when I'd come across notes she'd written. One, which I kept, was a note to my parents with a wonderful review of my brother, Kevin. (which I think I must have found several years later, when I stayed another summer) Here's what it says:

1 - KEVIN is a GIANT SPIRITUALLY (reads scriptures, etc.) 2 - KEVIN has a genuine interest in other people. (His cousin Beau, for example) 3 - He knows his way around a kitchen. (yea - for clean dishes!) 4 - Kevin is kind. I have never seen him be cruel to anyone. (not this summer, nor last.) 5 - Kevein has a remarkable knowledge of history - (Vikings, Biblical, etc, etc) 6 - Kevin will be a gifted missionary. 7 - Kevin is loyal to his family, his relatives, and his friends and the church. 8 - He is not critical - a rare quality in one so young. 9 - I must include his sense of humor. It surfaces often when tensions arise. 10 - Do you realize what you've got?? And he's only 16!!
Love, Grandma Sampson

Grandma had nice hand-writing. And she was here, in my opinion, trying to buoy up my brother, giving my parents positive feedback on their son. The message never made it to my folks, as was the case with many things Grandma wrote. She was complimentary and sensitive enough to draft many nice words for many people. But they never made it to the mailbox. I think my Dad tries to find as many of these notes as he can and keeps them for memories.

I graduated in 1990 and went to Mesa State College, in Grand Jct, Colorado. Grandpa told me if I lived with them, he would pay for my college and let me drive one of his cars. They were then living at the house on Orchard Avenue, half a block away from the border of the college campus. I had a scholarship, so my tuition was reasonable. It was a glorious Freshman year of college for me. I could walk to school or drive to the institute building and park for free. And I joined the tennis team, playing a couple of hours every day for the first semester, less the second semester. There was a great single's branch and institute program. The branch was perfect for me. I love it and grew close to the other students in it. The institute building was across the street from the college and a great place to hang out with other members (ping pong in the basement, very popular). I made great friends and memories. I got good grades which got me accepted into BYU-Hawaii and BYU-Provo (Hawaii, my second year; Provo's where I finished). I'm very grateful to my grandparents for allowing that singular opportunity.

My last stay with them was the summer after BYU - Hawaii and before my mission the following January. I got a waitress job, saving money for school in Provo the next Fall. Again, Grandpa let me drive a car. And I slept in the basement in a new bed Grandpa bought. That bed got a lot of use over the next years, from many visitors. I spent time cleaning out the room and going through boxes stored down there. Long ago there had been a pool table kept in that room. Now, they'd installed a small bathroom down there and a washer and dryer.

Living with your Grandparents can be nothing short of an adventure. My Grandpa and I spent a lot of time together. He was usually a funny, easy to get along with person. It was harder for me to know Grandma. But perhaps that was part of why I was there. I gained an immense appreciation for old age, and the perils of health issues. Grandma grew older with grace, as much as I can imagine, for the outsider. She would always put on her smile and optimism.

Independent! She was an independent person. That means she still hobbled out to her car, perhaps once a day, to go for a drive, even long after her driver's license had expired. (I think she became something of a terrible driver, especially later in life.) Very often she picked up some fast food. Arby's was her favorite. She would explain to me "The cheese in this sandwich is protein". Probably not on her diabetic diet, but she would eat what she liked. And she like Arby's. She also hated the showers given to her by the nurse who came in for her. I remember her going to the hair-dresser, nearly weekly, and getting the same hair style. Log curls, kept in place by bobby- pins when they'd start to fall after a few days. And there was a certain type of shoes she always bought. She only really wore out one shoe (prosthetic leg), but used both. Her replacement shoes looked exactly like her previous pair. Incidentally, I never saw Grandma in pants. It was always a dress or house robe.

At first, she only used a wheelchair to get around the house. But somehow, her doctor or someone (thank goodness for whoever it was) got her to stop using the chair and use a walker. It was just better exercise and she got where she could do really well without the chair. I have two particular memories of her wheelchair:
1 - I once badly sprained both my ankles. So severe, that I could not walk on either of them. I was miserable. Grandma let me share her wheelchair with her and I saw her world, in a small way, for a few days. Getting around was the biggest chore. Going to the bathroom was nuts. I planted myself on the sofa most of the time. (Next to Grandma, who was most always planted on her own love-seat sofa in the living room. And we watched soap-operas. Her favorite was "Young and the Restless". She watched a LOT of television. I remember the TV was usually turned on.)
2 - We were in church and Grandma was in her wheelchair. It was Fast and Testimony Sunday and Grandma bore her testimony. She stood up by her wheelchair and did it from there. I can't remember if they brought her a microphone or if she just spoke loudly. She always had a testimony. It is such a comfort to grow up knowing what your grandparents believe. She was not perfect, but her belief in the Gospel was real and strong and means more to me today than many smaller details about my time spent with her. And her leg did not stop her from baring her testimony in that eloquent, stylish way that only she knew how to do.

Grandma is known for her chess skills, but that was not the game she played when I was there. It was Rummy. And Solitaire. She taught me both games and we must have played a hundred games of Rummy. She had a particular strategy and always stuck to it. It was a safe style, never risky. She'd drop her high cards as soon as possible. Grandma almost always ended with low cards only. So you'd think it a good idea to go for the high cards, since she wouldn't want them. But her strategy very often won out. We'd play a string of games, keeping score till someone reached a set amount. I probably lost most of our matches. And I think I got a bit tired of Rummy. But not Grandma. she was good at it and would play anytime. Occasionally she'd get Grandpa to play with her, but he didn't care for it as much.

And with Solitaire, she'd always finish the game, even if she'd technically lost. She'd start with every 3 cards till she couldn't go on. Then every card. And if that also ended, she'd turn over some cards till she could finish the game. She really was a very patient card player. If I lost, I would just scoop the cards up and start the next game. Maybe she like to see all the cards line up in their proper order.

Which would go along with her personality. She liked to see order. And be the one in charge of giving out directions. She would suggest where to place things, where to walk, how to go about most everything, small and large. I am also independent. So this was a hurdle. One I didn't always handle so gracefully. Grandma was an articulate speaker, a perfect debater. So not following her advice could be made to sound very foolish. I once told her, through tears "Grandma, I can not speak like you. But I can't be told what to do like this." Or something like that. I am a horrible arguer. Anyone can win against me. I simply stink at it. She said nothing and I left the room. When I came back, my Grandparents had left. And minutes later, my Mother called me. She always had a huge love for my Grandparents, and speaking to her was a blessing that day.

There were many good memories. Grandma made every situation as sunny as possible. She had a small appetite. When I'd cook, she would rarely eat much of it. Such a change, going from cooking for 8 (back in Cody) to cooking for 3, and one with such a small appetite. She's send me to the store with a shopping list. It always included her favorite breakfast cereal, Tropicana orange juice, and yogurt - her favorite flavor was cherry. To this day I think of her when I'm buying yogurt and see the cherry flavor.

I remember she and Grandpa loved each other. She depended more on him than anyone else, and at times it seemed a bit rough for him. But they loved each other and I remember sweet kisses they'd give each other. At the end of their lives, they seemed to be trying to outlast the other, or was it wait for each other. Neither wanted to go first. And they died a day apart. Which seems very romantic to me.

I had at least one occasion (that I remember) of driving with her to Utah. She wanted to stop very often, even stay overnight somewhere along the way. The idea was appalling to me - I was used to driving over, non-stop. A 4 to 5 hour drive. It wasn't until I read my Dad's life-history of her that I more understood why she did that. She used to drive to her Dad's house a lot. Here's what the history says:

There were many trips back to Utah and Levan. (It was over 250 miles across the barren East Utah desert.) Her boys remember staying in Levan and Nephi a lot over the years, sometimes for several months. The trip from Grand Junction involved driving west through towns or stopping places like Westwater (near the Colorado/Utah border) then Price. Juul would drive about 50 miles or so and then stop to rest, then travel on another 50 to 75 miles and stop again until Price, where we would eat and often stay overnight. There was no interstate highway in the 1950's and most of the 1960's and so it was a long, slow trip on a two lane highway. After Price there was narrow Price Canyon and then Soldier's Summit and Thistle. After stopping at Thistle she would either drive west to Spanish fork and then south to Nephi/Levan. Or turn south at Thistle to Mt. Pleasant and some other small towns and then to Nephi. Finally we would get to Levan and stay a few days or a week or so.

Another thing I learned from Dad's writing was the impact of living with her handicap and diabetes. She never made a big issue of them, so I guess I didn't regard them like I could have. She wanted no sympathy and did a brilliant job of diminishing these hindrances. But Dad said that perhaps losing part of her leg took a greater toll on her than she let on. And changed her. I had never felt sorry for Grandma - I think that's because she set herself up to NOT be felt sorry for. So it was good to see a much bigger picture. And put a lot of pieces into place, as far as my memories of Grandma go. It helped make more sense of her.

After my mission, I only made visits from Utah, where I was finishing my degree at BYU. Chad even drove me over once, just after we had started to date. Then there were several visits with Kayleigh, when she was very young. And once (I think only once) with Thomas.

That one visit with Thomas was the last visit I had with them. We had just moved to Virginia. My grandparents' health, both of theirs, was going downhill, a little at a time. My Dad's opinion was that the end would be very soon. So we all flew out to Utah. Chad and Kayleigh stayed in Utah, Thomas (a few months old) and I drove over to Grand Jct and stayed about 5 days, sleeping in the living room. They were touching days. My grandparents were both very low, very weak. Grandma was bed-ridden. And for the first time, I saw her in person without her hair made up. She was very skinny, compared to her usual figure. And she couldn't eat, I think. There were care-givers and Hospice attending to them both, 24 hours each day. I would sit by their beds (they were in separate rooms, in hospital beds) and hold their hands while they slept. If they woke up, I would say happy things and we'd smile at each other. Grandma could still smile. A beautiful smile. She never lost that smile.

One day, she was awake and talking to me. It wasn't making much sense, but I didn't care. It was just nice to be with her. I remember she said something like " I was wondering what your opinion is of that." And she pointed to the ceiling. Then said something about a door, I think. Also, maybe a light - I'm not sure exactly. And it seemed like she was speaking to someone or more than one someone. (She was often in those few days speaking about early memories with family members. I think she'd mention Lamar, her brother.). Soon it dawned on me that perhaps she saw some type of vision and/or had conversations with deceased family. That's speculation, but it was a memorable moment for me, with my Grandma. And I wonder if the door was a symbol of leaving this life for the next.

She did not die that whole week, as suspected by her care-givers. I flew back home. They both died, one day apart, a week or so after that. I didn't get to attend the funeral, but think my wonderful opportunity of spending those 5 days with them alive was a greater blessing. I have photos and memories and they are priceless. I was there for their birthdays.

I think, overall, my greatest lesson from Grandma Sampson was the value of a sense of humor and a good attitude. Smile, even when it hurts. Smile. And break the tension with some humor. No need to be too serious. Life will be more fun if you have a good outlook - be optimistic.

I'm glad Dad had an interest in writing his Mom's stories. It was nice to read and ponder her life. Once my Grandma J said (something to the effect of) people don't like to put the bad in life stories, just the good. It's good to see both sides sometimes. Everyone's human. And that's how I remember Grandma Sampson. Both sides. It makes her very real, my memories more clear. And meaningful. That's how it is with family - there's the bad and the good. And we love our family for whatever they are.

(I will add photos to this later. They aren't digital so it will take me some time to get to it, but I'll do my best)